"Women used to have no choice but to hand over their labor, their time, their bodies, and their mental energy to men. Now we are not compelled by the law, but by romantic philosophies and the allure of being 'chosen' Men do not have to force us, they just have to 'choose' us as their loves."
I was nodding hard throughout this piece! Something that jumps out at me about Love Is Blind is that no matter how liberal, feminist, or self-assured a female contestant is, there is still this unquestioned expectation that the man will do the proposing when it comes down to it. The programming around being "chosen" is just that entrenched, to the detriment of participants AND viewers. At the end of the day LIB is a deeply conservative show masquerading as a showcase for the ultimate romantic agency, and constantly undermines its own premise in the process. I'm getting my kicks just like everyone else, I just think it's important to be honest about this! I so appreciate this piece 🌻
"I am getting my kicks like everybody else" perfectly said Aria! I am kicking high watching this with you!! You have summed this show up so well and I appreciate it. Thank you for being here and putting it into words like this here for us.
"Most women I know will not openly say that they hate themselves and deserve to suffer. They will just date and marry like it." I had to take a moment. This was such an amazing read and hits home in so many ways. The act of choosing comes back a lot when talking about relationship and dating, specifically as a Black, African young woman. I am finding that for dating, the act of "choosing well" has been pushed by my family throughout my teen years but "being chosen" has been the primary message of my mid-twenties from the same people. I could go on and on but this dissonance has given me migraines but this piece gives me peace.
Evening Nohemie! Thank you for telling me how you processed this and what you are considering carrying forward. It isn't easy to know what you know deep down and live it out. That dissonance gnaws. May that peace grow and grow in your life as you make the choices that dignify you.
Gurla! You gave us a Word today! My favorite lines: “Ifind it deeply brave and inspiring when a woman raised and trained to be content with crumbs gets up and leaves” and “It’s also something when a woman walks away from a situation that isn’t hell. When it’s ‘fine’ but doesn’t reflect the depth or worth of her personhood.”
I think you have the makings of an important book, especially with the parts of the conversation you’re planning to consider in the future.
Forgive the time it has taken me to get back to you Laurie. Thank you for taking the time to read this and leave such a thoughtful comment. I appreciate the encouragement as well. I have been wrestling with that as an idea and am grateful for the outside eyes. Please be well!
"Women used to have no choice but to hand over their labor, their time, their bodies, and their mental energy to men. Now we are not compelled by the law, but by romantic philosophies and the allure of being 'chosen' Men do not have to force us, they just have to 'choose' us as their loves."
I was nodding hard throughout this piece! Something that jumps out at me about Love Is Blind is that no matter how liberal, feminist, or self-assured a female contestant is, there is still this unquestioned expectation that the man will do the proposing when it comes down to it. The programming around being "chosen" is just that entrenched, to the detriment of participants AND viewers. At the end of the day LIB is a deeply conservative show masquerading as a showcase for the ultimate romantic agency, and constantly undermines its own premise in the process. I'm getting my kicks just like everyone else, I just think it's important to be honest about this! I so appreciate this piece 🌻
"I am getting my kicks like everybody else" perfectly said Aria! I am kicking high watching this with you!! You have summed this show up so well and I appreciate it. Thank you for being here and putting it into words like this here for us.
Thank you for this opportunity to reflect!
"Most women I know will not openly say that they hate themselves and deserve to suffer. They will just date and marry like it." I had to take a moment. This was such an amazing read and hits home in so many ways. The act of choosing comes back a lot when talking about relationship and dating, specifically as a Black, African young woman. I am finding that for dating, the act of "choosing well" has been pushed by my family throughout my teen years but "being chosen" has been the primary message of my mid-twenties from the same people. I could go on and on but this dissonance has given me migraines but this piece gives me peace.
Evening Nohemie! Thank you for telling me how you processed this and what you are considering carrying forward. It isn't easy to know what you know deep down and live it out. That dissonance gnaws. May that peace grow and grow in your life as you make the choices that dignify you.
Gurla! You gave us a Word today! My favorite lines: “Ifind it deeply brave and inspiring when a woman raised and trained to be content with crumbs gets up and leaves” and “It’s also something when a woman walks away from a situation that isn’t hell. When it’s ‘fine’ but doesn’t reflect the depth or worth of her personhood.”
I think you have the makings of an important book, especially with the parts of the conversation you’re planning to consider in the future.
Forgive the time it has taken me to get back to you Laurie. Thank you for taking the time to read this and leave such a thoughtful comment. I appreciate the encouragement as well. I have been wrestling with that as an idea and am grateful for the outside eyes. Please be well!